Tomorrow is my birthday! I often use this time of the year to reflect and see how things have changed from one year to another.
Yes, this last year has been a rollercoaster. As the years before. Pretty much as life should be.
Not too perfect. Not too bad.
Four years ago, I became a mother for the first time. Two years ago, for the second. In between, I have been pretty sick. For way too long. It was a super tough time. I thought I will never recover. But, I did.
The fact that I recovered let me rethink what I can and what I do want to do with my life. Apart from what I always did. Apart from being a mother.
Being sick and at the same time being a mother to two small kids definitely took a toll. I also have never felt so lonely in my life as being the primary caregiver for two small kids. I was alone while being constantly around two small human beings.
I sometimes felt that life and society just got me. I could almost see it, the fear, the fear that slowly but steadily crawled up my feet, right into my head. It first whispered…
Then, it screamed… Maybe I just ended my “career” by my choice to take parental leave that long. Too long. How dare you, Michaela! Obviously, I’m now the stay-at-home mum. The mum that just missed the opportunity to make it in the workforce. And that I disappointed all feminists and failed to live up to the expectations of the feministic movement.
But then, I see this is a victims mindset. And I’m for sure not a victim. I’m a warrior. I always have been.
It’s not that I am not making it. But, I re-assessed what success looks to me. And it’s not the job title. It’s not the promotion. It’s not the status. It’s not the money. It’s the freedom that I’m after. And then, the money 🤑
I would not trade a single day with my kids for something else, independent of whatever comes or does not come my way.
Do I wish it would be easier sometimes? Yes. But, I will never regret having taken this time. I will never regret that I fought for living MY dream life.
And this last year, I also regained strength. I regained my health. And with it, I regained perspective.
For about 8 months now, I work on building my business. On building my perspective. On building my freedom. I’m nowhere near yet. I’d love to say otherwise, but I can’t change the truth. Nevertheless, I’m closer than I’ve ever been to it.